" This Too Will Pass "

I have had hell of a last 24 hours and am sat watching comfort TV " As Time Goes By " whilst typing. Have just been for a walk and listened to one of my favourite podcasts, " A Quiet Mind " but find that I am still grinding my teeth. My head is pounding.

So what happened ?

The tranquil waters of The Hermitage exploded at dawn yesterday.

Our family dog, and I mean family, took a turn for the worse yesterday and had a stroke. She was a member of the family, not just a dog, and my mum and I took her to the vet. My dad wouldn't go, he was so upset and crying so much. This lovely, gentle beast, 12 years of age was drooling, her back legs had gone, she was blind and arthritic and we knew what had to be done.

I went in the room with her when " it " had to happen and I was sobbing and sobbing, giving her reiki and whispering in her ears as she died.

The nurse was crying and my mum in the other room was bawling...I am glad she's not in pain anymore, but she was such a lovely natured girl, so trusting, and even though I knew she couldn't really see me, she was looking at me in such a trusting way, as she always did, that I couldn't help feeling like I was letting her down. My parents were sooooooooo upset too. I offered to help my dad dig the hole for her, but he wouldn't let me, and as he has a heart condition as well as having had an operation only a few weeks back, I was concerned he would hurt himself too.

We all loved that dog...it was so cruel how she lost her swiftness of limb and life.

My dear boy then rung me from Denmark, and said he's quit his job after having two petulant popstars throw bottles at him and treat him and the crew like a**. He was upset too, not wanting it to end like that, but not wishing to have mid thirty-something people behaving like a bunch of poncey hairdressers....I won't say anymore than this, but it was way worse than I am prepared to share. There's not much that makes my boy cry.

And thirdly, this travesty of a swimming pool and golf. After the sale fell through we agreed to stay on as caretakers, but after a series on unpaid bills for various services, nearly $3000 worth, no communication from those who should be taking responsibility and some local tittle tattle by a person who says one thing to us and another thing to others...we are jacking it in. We are both glad. The owners simply wanted out last year and left to move to another state without realising that landlords still have responsibility for the plant and technical side of the buildings they own. Right now, I want to lock the door and walk away, but can't let the punters down, so it will be a little while before we are shut of it completely...it has disintegrated into a farce, I have had mean voice mails from the owner simply for telling the truth about money we are owed and I don't give a shi* anymore. I also think little male trolls who poke their nose into other people's business should simply get a life !

I have spent time listening to Robert at http://www.aquietmind.com on my ipod as a way of finding a little peace, but have resorted to old faithful ATGB....

My Dream Reiki Room

[Glitterfy.com - *Glitter Maker*]

Who wants to be " up the butt girl " ?

Am sat watching an episode of ' Sex and the City ', hence the title of the post !

Have just sent the e-mail to the people who own the pool we are no longer going to be responsible for. I don't quite feel a sense of relief yet....but I know I will.

Had to threaten court action today against someone who owes us money. I hate this. I hate being put in a position where I have to be such a dragon. I wonder what I am doing to be attracting so many unreliable people in my life ? Maybe I am too trusting. Maybe my standards are too high. Whatever it is, it is really annoying, I don't want drama in my life at all. I just want people to take responsibility for themselves, pay what they owe and get on with it.

My family life is so good, we want to just get on with us...

I watched " Message In A Bottle "

To aII the ships at sea and aII the ports of caII.

To my famiIy and to aII friends and strangers.

This is a message and a prayer.

The message is that my traveIs taught me a great truth.

I aIready had what everyone is searching for. . .

. . .and few ever find:

The one person in the worId who I was born to Iove forever.

A person Iike me, of the Outer Banks. . .


. . .and the bIue AtIantic mystery. ''

..and if I stare too long, I'll probably break down and cry....

I am sooooooo boring today.

Too tired to write. So much Ebay work to do...I need more casting time in a day.

I begin my new job at the childcare centre tomorrow. It's an easy start with after school care, so have today to myself and my mum in town.

Can't wait for my baby to come home, he's in Denmark today. Took my other baby to Chickenfeed today, she loves that store ( a cheapo but brilliant shop for non-Tasmanian readers ). She chose toy cars as her gift. We had a snack at KFC and played at the park at Riverside for ages.

I now want to sit in bed and watch a romantic movie on my computer...with a cup of tea.

I had the beginnings of a sore throat last night but reikied it away and told it that I was a healthy person and the sore throat was not welcome. It worked, I was pleased.

Dammnit I'm dull...more later...good luck with the move Toni xx

Back in the land of the pixies

Had my hair cut a fair bit today, this is the style. This isn't me BTW, but it is my hair !

I love it !

I feel a lot younger and my eyes look huge, yeah !

" I heard that there was a secret chord ".

I am sat here listening to the rain and wind. I absolutely love it. The fire is warm and the clock tiptoes from second to second and I feel that all is well in the world.

I took my darling girl to see Dorothy the Dinosaur's Dance Party today. She was very focussed on watching it, not keen on jumping around and simply sat, with butterfly legs on the mat at the front. I wasn't sure how she felt about it, so said " Did you like it goosy ?" to which she replied " I really loved it ".

My boy is in Hungary. The whole schedule was blown out 'cause the tour bus broke an axle and shot a tyre and they ended up on the side of the autobahn in Germany run off the road. They missed their planes to Kiev and had to do some hooty-tootying around to get to their destination...result ? They arrive in Russia with 1 hour to go before an arena gig....I feel there are some very fraught nerves right now over there.

I begin my new job on Monday at the childcare centre where my daughter goes. All this Long Service Leave I have had from teaching has made me totally reassess what I am doing, and I have decided to give up teaching full time and simply do a bit of work at the day care centre and relief teach instead. I am so relieved that I won't have to go to meetings, go to camps, stay late for Professional Learning or write reports....I am sooooooooooo over the whole full-time high school teacher thing.

I am too old to be a professional tap dancer, but running my own reiki healing clinic is a big idea right now....

" You in the traffic for all eternity, how can this speed be where you want to be ?"

I have sore calves. We began our new dance to my special song, and for the first time I remembered all the steps, and went over and over them when I came home in both my head and with my feet. I was sweating like a stuck pig, and loving it. I felt like I was a dancer...no really.

However, I never want to wear shiny American tan tights, I would be happy dancing in shorts or jeans...I am not a glamour, pageant-type AT ALL !!!!

When I got home I turned on the TV, which is something I never do, and guess who was being interviewed....well I think you can guess who it was. Damn it, he's cute. The fact that he is gay makes him more exotic and capable somehow. I am also impressed that it is no problem for him being open about his sexuality.

So many stars either live in a veil of secrecy, or pretence, and I don't know why. Nobody worth their salt, gives a sh**. You is what you is and that is all there is to it. Each person's sexuality is their own business, period !

Personally as long as everyone is consensual with what they do and none are harmed, that's all there is to it.

Lovers, an interesting topic.

" Shoes go on and carry me there ! "

Funny the things that excite me these days....my dancing teacher says we can dance to the Rufus Wainwright song, from
" The Aviator ". This is very good.

This is very good because if I am dancing to a song I love, I will do more prac at home....how cool !

Our daughter is turning into quite a little tap dancer herself too. One term of lessons and she is flipping and dancing like an angel...dammnit, I am a proud mother.....she'll probably build her own stairway to paradise herself...

If people's hearts can be like the trees, they will not be off the Way

When I was younger, especially a teenager, I used to worry, and lay awake at night worrying about everything, real and imagined. Then as I got older, every so often I'd have a big worry and then let it go. Nowadays of course I worry, but not a lot and not so it keeps me awake at night. I do not have a monkey mind and find meditation easy to slip into.

But last night, I had a monkey mind about an issue in our lives right now, that I want to do a Pontius Pilate with, and wash my hands of.

Readers old, and some new, may know about the business my chap and I " caretake ". We were set to buy it, but after the owner's refusal to fix some certain elements of the business, to the tune of over $20,000, we decided not to buy it, but have in the meantime continued as caretakers, despite both working at our other jobs.

The owners refuse to answer any e-mails and things are beginning to break down and need fixing, which as the caretaker's we are not financially responsible for.

The owner's have basically washed their hands of it....and we are looking like we don't care about the business as it is falling into disrepair. The people who frequent it, think we own it, and we get the flack and feedback.

Personally I am so over it and I know my dear boy is too.

So anyway, I was in bed at 2pm monkey-minding the damn thing, I sleep well at night, sleep comes very easily to me...and I object to losing sleep over this bloody business.

I must be selfish and materialistic however as I keep thinking of the money we'd be giving up, but I think it has come to the point that I don't care. We want our lives back, and as the owner's don't care, I am wondering why I am losing so much sleep over it.

More later, I need a wash !

On a positive note however, my dear boy is going to fly me somewhere to see RUFUS WAINWRIGHT...turns out that he ( my boy ) not surprisingly knows the right people, don't know why that shocked me :)

Drinkin' coffee's your idea of really cool

...oh no it's not. I am cutting down from three strong cups a day to one...beginning each day with hot water and lemon. These last few days since I've changed the nature of my grub I have turned into a detox machine and I am spurting forth....well ok, I am a lot more full, more regular and yes, I can feel and notice a difference already.

I love the rain, our lake that had dried up to a mere mud smear is now 3/4 full again, thanks to some fancy clever pipework my darling man rigged up. Shame he's in Europe and can't see it filling up a treat.

I don't much like being a rockstarwidow, I don't mind being on my own, but I do mind my dear boy being thousands of miles away with a bunch of blokey popstars who don't fancy him as much as I do. Though I am pretty sure they all love him. We talk every night on Skype although last night the sound was terrible and we both sounded like Stephen Hawking. I always sit myself as the best, most cutest angle as the screen is not the most flattering and tends to make you look a bit lop-sided.

It's funny when you tell people what your chap does. They automatically think it is glamorous. Sometimes it seems to be and then other times not. He spends a lot of time in dingy rooms with no windows under a stage...around smokers and drinkers ( of which he is neither ). He does get to fly business class though and gets free chocolates and tons of free sponsorship stuff... rabbitting on, off now to do something more constructive !

"A friendly eye could never see such faults"

I am not sure what to write about today.

I spend a lot of time inside my head and putting it down on the keyboard, sometimes seems a little tedious.

I have been focussing my diet on raw foods of late and I am quite unpleasant to be around, if you get what I mean.

Have finally decided to take my health in hand, and am doing all I can without going all OC about it.

Here's a recipe for raw fudge brownies, much better than the baked type.

Large handful of pitted dates.

Handful of sunflower seeds.

10 peanuts

Bit of water

Tablespoon of carob.

Zsshhhshsoosh together in the blender, then pat into a dish to set a little in the fridge.

So good !

As you will see I am not a cook, my list of culinary words extend only as far as Zsshhhshsoosh and handful, as opposed to specific measurements.

Call me a flawed human being but.....

I love winter.....


Glitterfy.com *Glitter Graphics*

Looks interesting !

make your own map at: www.modmyprofile.com

"For where thou art, there is the world itself, and where though art not, desolation"

Here is my nearly 4 year old. I only have one of her, I was just mucking around on " Photo Booth ".

This is my nearly four year old, the one who says " although, either, appropriate, neither and actually " and uses them in context !

This is my ex baby, who will always be my baby and who can write her 8 letter name faultlessly.

Here is one of the two loves of my life !

Please..just this once..humour me...I'll calm down in a moment !

I am sorry, but it had to be done....

"Sacred and sweet was all I saw in him"

I have a crush. I am in love. I am way too old to be a fan !

Rufus Wainwright !

If you haven't heard his voice, I recommend you listen to him IMMEDIATELY.

Beg, borrow or steal one of his tunes.

Try " Going to a town ", " Hallelujah " or the best and sexiest song you won't be able to stop dancing to " Instant Pleasure ".

My goddess, I had instant pleasure listening to him on my ipod today as I went about my business.

Ooooh, oooooooooooooooooh aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh phweef.

It's not often I admire a chap without a beard !

"Your monument shall be my gentle verse, which eyes not yet created shall o'er read"

Never doubt the difference one person can make...

So my friend told me all about the sponsorship program below.....

Web: -www.njp.org.au

...and today another reader has signed up to help these gentle and loving people....

I have been thinking all day about the phrase, the one where we should never doubt the power one person can have to move mountains...because dear F, you are a definite mountain mover....let's hope more people will come on board...whether it is with this sponsorship program or another they feel drawn to...I was also listening to an abundance podcast and it said that when we have a real attitude of gratitude and help other people, we too would reap the benefits far beyond any expectation we could have... I truly believe this too..I love the fact that abundance is not $$$ based too.

"O, spirit of love, how quick and fresh art thou !"

Someone who I like and respect very much has a sponsored son. He is an exiled Tibetan Buddhist monk and she loves him very dearly. She has even just met him after being his sponsor mother for a long time.

I have wanted to sponsor someone for ages, and when I found out that for only $15-$25 a month you may sponsor a special person like the son my friend has, I was totally sold, immediately. I hope that by putting this posting here, my readers might consider checking out the website below, and finding out more.

If you are interested here is the web site.

Web: -www.njp.org.au

email:-njprojects@gmail.com

If you go to the site you can click on 'Sponsorships"
Then you see Students , Monks and Nuns looking for sponsorship.

If you go into the Monks link you will see lots of beautiful small children. Well these are the little sisters and brothers of the Monks.

I have been thinking a lot about how we are all from the same source, and what you do for one person you do for everyone including yourself. I have also realised that there are no selfish acts when it comes to say spending a little money on yourself....so next time you feel guilty for having a massage/facial/new lipstick/dinner out....remember that by doing all of these things that not only are you raising your own seretonin levels, but you are providing work and positive energies for those from whom you purchase or utilise.

As long as none are harmed, all is well with the world !

"Alas, poor world, what treasure hast thou lost!"

I know I haven't posted for ages, but I simply haven't seemed to have time. I have been teaching myself how to do podcasts to begin with, and more interestingly I received a Shetland pony for Mother's Day and I have been falling in love with him, for the last few days. My boy's name is HUW, and he is white/cream and shy, I love him.

I will put a link to the podcast when I can work out how to do that, I am whittering on about health and weight loss, and who knows where else the casting will take me, but am just trying it out, to see what eventuates.

More later...

Namaste

I am now officially a reiki master. However I wish to be known as a reiki teacher. As a conduit, I am not sure I feel comfortable being a master, as it sort of feels like I am ascending myself above others. So feel better with reiki teacher.

I will work with my first level one initiate next week, my sister. I am looking forward to planning the day and being paid in hibiscus juice :)

I had a wonderful day yesterday. I love my reiki teachers, they are the best, ever. Such honest, open and forthright people, I really admire them, and feel blessed they live just round the corner from me.

Just about to go for a walk.

All that lives must die, passing through nature to eternity

Went to my monthly reiki night last night, with astonishing results. I took my brother and sister, and saw a lot of things happen. I found the night fascinating and revealing, and the company was excellent.

I have two gurus who live just round the corner from me and I think they are wonderful teachers...tomorrow reiki mastership beckons, I am excited ! More later

"I like your silence; it the more shows off your wonder"

Have been inspired by a book I am reading. I have decided that every month from now on I am going to give one thing up.

After that month is over, I can go back to the thing I have foregone for the past four weeks, if I want to.

This will be an interesting experiment to see if it changes the way I feel about the things I am giving up each month.

So for the month of May, I am giving up chocolate. Day three and all is well.

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them

I had to spend the day in town today. I do not like going into town and I avoid it as much as possible, but things had to be done.

On a positive note I did go to the best food place in town, an all you can eat sushi place, and believe me, I got my money's worth. I love spicy raw tuna, I love GREEN TEA icecream, never was there a more delicious puddin' ".

I also had my hair cut and dyed red and black. I am not a girly girl, I don't like the hairdressers, though I do like my hairdresser, she is a babe. Calls a spade a spade indeed.

Watched another Mike Leigh film last night with Timothy Spaul. Felt like I'd been through the wreckers when it finished, and only rated it a 6/10.

My dear boy is having his first photographic exhibition in August and is nervous about it already...aaah the tortured artist that he is ! He is so talented, but just won't see it !

So if you live in the West Tamar area and are reading this, contact me for details of time and place and come on by !